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A Country Club Member’s Glossary of Terms

November 14, 2019 | Categories: ,
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Every year, Mother Nature has her way of throwing curveballs to those individuals that are responsible for maintaining fine turf. This year spring rains were excessive and lasted well into June. Summer was hot, humid, and saw very little rain, while the fall was also hot and dry. Now, in early November, we have witnessed record cold temperatures with snowfall. These conditions, to say the least, have created a stressful challenge to everyone and, in particular, Golf Course Superintendents.

Golf Course Superintendents have faced these challenges for years. Even as far back as 1991. The following, “A Country Club Member’s Glossary of Terms,” was published in an Indiana Golf Course Superintendent’s Association publication that year. The author is my husband, who was then the Superintendent at Greenfield Country Club. We have a framed version of it in our home that I walk by every day. I hope you all enjoy it.

A Country Club Member’s Glossary of Terms

Once again we are coming to the end of another season that has brought too much rain in the spring and then gave us one of the hottest and direst early summers that would stress out the best Superintendent. So, once again, I have tried to come up with the humorous side of our jobs. One day talking to one of our members, he got confused with the terminology that we use every day. So I wrote this glossary of terms, which I believe they must think of when we as turf managers use them.

Top DressingWhen a Superintendent does not let their help go without a shirt.
Right to KnowThe right to know the stimp meter reading of the green speed every day.
Winter PlayThe God given right of all Golf Club members.
Green SpeedToo slow.
Tee MarkersWhat you use to straighten the head of your club when it performs badly off of the tee.
Ball WasherWhat you use to straighten the shaft of your driver when the ball goes right or left off of the tee.
Dollar SpotWhat your playing partner spots you when you missed that last five-foot putt.
Nineteenth HoleConference room in the clubhouse where long discussions take place concerning the practices and future of the Club's Superintendent.
Cart PathWhat they put on a golf course for the maintenance equipment to get from hole to hole.
Ball MarkWhat happens to your ball when it hits a cart path.
Change CupsWhat my wife changed when she got pregnant.
Sand ProA Golf Pro that's good at getting out of a sand trap.
Greens MasterLast year's club champion.
Trap RakeWhat I usually trip over when I get out of a trap.
Ladies Day#*#*!#! !#!#
PoaI really don't know what it is, but I know I am supposed to complain about it.
PythiumA Greek God.
No CartsA sign that you always have to drive around to get to your ball.
Ballmark RepairerWhat's that?
Irrigation SystemThe only thing that will make an approach shot hold.
Brown PatchWhy you throw away your under shorts.
AerificationA Superintendent's revenge.
Terry R. Smith
Greenfield Country Club
Greenfield, IN
Ginny Smith

ATS Sales Rep